For the Love of ChaChing Bling

I decided this week I want to add investigative reporting to my list of know-hows. I’ve always wanted my work to impact people, change lives, and open doors to the impossible.  Not to mention it’s much more fun reporting on scandals and corruption when you’ve done your homework and KNOW you’re right.  I never wanted to be that reporter who regurgitates what other reporters are writing about or be overly concerned about competing with the Washington Post or the New York Times when breaking national stories.

Basically, I am learning how to become a professional snoop for the greater good of the public.

At some level all reporters should be detectives from a far.  If you’re reporting on a congressman you should have the skills to find out everything you can whether that is interviewing a myriad of people, checking vital records, scanning court documents or always having a pending FOIA request.

 I just do not want to work for someone for the rest of my life. I want establish myself as a credible source of news, start my own website and take news to the next level.  I believe in branding myself.  I don’t want a publication to own me, and  leave my livelihood in someone else hands.

I want to be different.  I want to live up to my full potential. I want to live my stand:

I stand for breaking down barriers and walls to create possibility in the lives of others.

My dreams are big. I am the woman who strives to be the Oprah of online journalism. I see the future a little differently. Like Russell Simmons said, it starts with a vision then taking hold of it and seeing it to the end.

I once told someone about my goals in life and they kind of laughed.  I was taken aback for a half a second, like, eh yo, did he just laugh? Then I laughed too, because obviously he didn’t know whom he was talking to.

I dream the impossible because in the impossible is a wealth of possibility.

How far am I willing to go? I decided that I am willing to live with the prospect of never getting married or having a family for the sake of my career.  HUGE statement I know, but I feel like I was placed here to complete some unknown mission. I am striving for something.

One day, when I am sitting in my 18^th Floor office, watching my secretary who has the body of a quarterback and a face of Adonis feed my tiny dog name Cha Ching Bling, it shall all be worth it.

Back To Black

I am writing a lot but I am not really writing at all. I consistently doubt my abilities again and again and again. I am always afraid of making a mistake. I am always afraid of getting something wrong. Then I remember that I am here for a reason and that I will succeed. That cheers me up until the next assignment is due and then I am sad all over again.

Is this what being a writer is about? Recognizing your flaws, over and over again. I want to command my words and be sure of myself and know everything about journalism now. I am not learning fast enough to catch my mistakes before they happen. I am growing but in a world where mistakes can cost you a lot and the stakes are high how do you not fail?

I learned that my commas are wrong and that I editorialize sometimes. I can’t presume anything but I can’t tell the real difference between presumption and writing with authority. I read the Washington Post and they write one way, but I am being taught to write another way. I am trying to find my flaws.

What I want to know is how do you know that you’re wrong before you make a mistake? I am tired of being scared to write real words. Saying the wrong thing is too much. How do I get better? How do I stop feeling so freakin’ behind? How do I stop feeling like everyone else is making it? 

I am not doing poorly, but I am not excelling. I want to excel, and it’s killing me that I stay up, work so hard and still do mediocre work.

Sigh. Sometimes blogging is the only way to free my mind. I say I’ll do it more and I don’t. Until next time, peace.