I am writing a lot but I am not really writing at all. I consistently doubt my abilities again and again and again. I am always afraid of making a mistake. I am always afraid of getting something wrong. Then I remember that I am here for a reason and that I will succeed. That cheers me up until the next assignment is due and then I am sad all over again.
Is this what being a writer is about? Recognizing your flaws, over and over again. I want to command my words and be sure of myself and know everything about journalism now. I am not learning fast enough to catch my mistakes before they happen. I am growing but in a world where mistakes can cost you a lot and the stakes are high how do you not fail?
I learned that my commas are wrong and that I editorialize sometimes. I can’t presume anything but I can’t tell the real difference between presumption and writing with authority. I read the Washington Post and they write one way, but I am being taught to write another way. I am trying to find my flaws.
What I want to know is how do you know that you’re wrong before you make a mistake? I am tired of being scared to write real words. Saying the wrong thing is too much. How do I get better? How do I stop feeling so freakin’ behind? How do I stop feeling like everyone else is making it?
I am not doing poorly, but I am not excelling. I want to excel, and it’s killing me that I stay up, work so hard and still do mediocre work.
Sigh. Sometimes blogging is the only way to free my mind. I say I’ll do it more and I don’t. Until next time, peace.