Thursday, August 5, 2010

Best Father Around

Being fatherless, in my opinion, does not mean growing up in a single parent household. To me fatherlessness, means exactly that, there is an absence of a father. If your father was never home, had an addiction that devastated your family then to me you’re qualified to say you’re fatherless.  Or, like in the case of so many of us, our fathers were rarely or never there.

All I ever wanted from my dad was for him to call me on my birthday.

Out of all the days in the year, I believed his daughter’s birthday would be one that he’d never forget. Yet, he managed to “forget” year, after year, after year.

Due to my father’s absence I, like so many other women, was born with baggage.

I suffer from an unbalanced mistrust of men.
I can smell a no good dude a mile away.
But, I can’t always detect a good quality man. 

Like many of life’s wounds, I am slowly healing-- learning to let go, and let live.

My experiences have led me to strongly believe that all little girls need daddies.

Daughters often feel the absence of their fathers deeply. Angel Taylor belted these heartfelt words in a song about her father…

He took everything from us,
but he let us keep our fear.
He robbed the little picture called a family,
taken long ago, went away for so many years.

And it was as though
he took joy in listening to our tears.
And he would never apologize,
cause his pride was blinding.
Angel Taylor, Best Father Around, Album: Love Travels

…while Chrisette Michele sung these words to her dad, in her song “Your Joy.”

Cause no one loves me just like you do
And no one knows me just like you do
No one can compare to the way my eyes fit in yours
You'll always be my father
And I'll always be your joy

These are two different songs, two different messages, but their feelings for their fathers whether negative or positive are deep.

No matter what anyone says, fathers teach women two important things that a mother cannot teach their daughters.

  1. How to treat a man
  2. How a man should treat a woman

Fathers teach their daughters what men want by showing them their daily activities. Simple things like, knowing when your father comes home, he wants a little time for himself.  Or when the game is on, don’t bother him. We also learn from watching them interact with other people.

They teach us how we should be treated—that we shouldn’t be cheated on, lied to, or beat on. They teach us that a man’s love isn’t demonstrated by sex.

Teacher, teacher, please reach those girls in them videos
The little girls just broken Queens, confusing bling for soul
Danger, there's danger when you take off your clothes…
~Janelle Monae, Sincerely Jane, Metropolis: The Chase Suite

So many girls grow up not knowing who they are. Fathers help you learn your value. To them you’re the ultimate prize, and they teach you that.

Fathers protect their daughters­­– they may even be over protective. Not every guy is good enough for daddies little girl, and they’re right.

Just any guy should not be good enough for us—though we often forget that at times.

Fatherless daughters can’t learn these things from their mothers alone.

I was lucky because my grandfather really stepped up and he showed me most of those things. He taught me my worth, which is more than enough.

So what do you think? Do little girls need their daddies? Are there voids that daddies can fill that mommies cannot?  How has your relationship with your father impacted your life both positively and negatively? If you grew up fatherless, do feel you have emotional scars from his absence?

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