Monday, October 13, 2008

Tarzan and Focus: Natural Home Disasters

I came home today and my kitchen curtain wasn’t where I left it. Instead of hanging from the brackets that have been holding them up since I moved in here (about 3 years ago) my ray of light hider was sitting on the kitchen floor. How am I supposed to walk around my house naked now? Huh?! I am pissed.

Now, I didn’t do it. I was at work. So the only other two other folks in my house during working hours are these two here:

Tarzan Jenkins and Prince Focus Abdul Jamaal
Both of them are going to get put out soon, they just don’t know it yet.

They have really been cutting up since I took them to the vet last Saturday. They got their shots and I got yelled at by the vet. Apparently, one of my babies, Focus, is too chunky (don’t call him fat, I’ll choke you all, he’s just a little thick) and has to go on a diet.

What I don’t understand is why is he eating so much? Am I stressing him out? It’s not like I am feeding them wet food. They get their Iams dry kitten food, but Focus acts like I am feeding him steak or something.

Tell me how the H-E-double hockey sticks, am I supposed to put ONE cat on a diet?

Anywho, I don’t want him to die or anything like that, so I cut back on the amount of food he gets everyday.

Guess what?! This cat is retaliating!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know this kigga’s going through the trash? Sleeping during the day so he can keep me up at night while running around the house? Hell, even his brother has left his sour ass alone. I am not a punk though.

I got him exercising and everything. Everyday when I get home, I take the broom and chase him around the house with it for 30 minutes. “Run Focus! Run!” I say. I don’t think he appreciates it much.

Tarzan looks at his brotha like, “man I told you not to eat that second helping,” while Focus is like “This B!tch is Crazy!!!!!!!!!! Don’t just stand there, SAVE ME!!!!”

It’s not my fault the doctor put him on a diet. He shouldn’t have been such a piglet. Since I’ve been such an neglectful mommy, I’ve got to show the vet I can be a drill sergeant. They’ll be anorexic in no time.

Now if only I could be as discipline with myself as I am with my twins.
Sigh, Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading.


  1. you should be getting exercise chasing that cat around the house hahahahhahaha

    and Focus looks like a girl; all this time I thought it was a girl and a boy and it's two boys...and wasn't Tarzan the bad one? what are they doing? trading places? Focus better sit his ass down while momma gone for he find himself in a cage all day while Tarzan gets to run free LOL

  2. Aww poor fat chubby kitty. lmao This was hilarious though. Especially them trying to retaliate.
    Thats strange that Focus got fat off of plain dried cat food. He must be greedy as hell.